


a madness most discreet

by isakyaki



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Football, Alternate Universe - High School, Artist Zayn, F/M, Football Player Liam, Football Player Louis, Football Player Niall, M/M, Nerd Zayn, Popular Liam, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-26
Updated: 2015-07-15
Packaged: 2018-03-15 06:59:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3437861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isakyaki/pseuds/isakyaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn looks down at the shaking phone in his hands, taking a deep breath. For a short moment, he wishes he could summon a bit of Louis’ courage and send the text already. “The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn’t respond! But, even then, he won’t know it’s you. You’re home-free, mate!” Louis’ words replay in his head as Zayn raises his thumbs to the tiny keyboard on the screen. He has to resort to auto-correct for over half of the words he types, his hands trembling uncontrollably, but eventually, after a scorching five minutes, Zayn’s got “Hey, I seen you round school and i think you’re really cute. Are you into guys? :) xx” typed out on his phone screen. Zayn knows how pathetic it is to have reiterated Louis’ example text exactly, but he’s nervous, okay? Can you blame him? He is about to catfish Liam Payne: the guy he’s pretty much been in love with, dreamed about, crushed on - you name it - since Year 6. Zayn thinks he’s allowed to be slightly nervous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, readers! just a quick note, this fic is un-beta'd so don't be scared to let me know if you find any typos or anything. (also, if anyone is interested in beta-ing this fic for me, please contact me! i'm in dire need) there will be some more notes at the end explaining some other things. i hope you all enjoy the first chapter of this fic!!
> 
> plus, shout out to the homie will for the title. i stole it from his #1 hit romeo and juliet xx

“Malik? Malik! Oh, Zayn Malik, for goodness sake.”

“Here, Mr Safar.”

“Thank you, Tomlinson, but I think I’d rather hear that from Zayn himself, yes?” 

Feet thump across the tile, getting closer and closer. Through his closed eyes, Zayn imagines a dragon galumphing toward him, back hunched, claws bared, ready to pounce. Zayn thinks he’ll draw that one later.

A hand whacks the back of his chair. Zayn jumps to full awakedness, coming face-to-face with his drama teacher, Mr Safar, glaring down at him.

“Care to grace us with your eyes, Malik? Yes or no?”

After a moment, Zayn says: “Here.”

“Perfect.” Mr Safar turns, checking off Zayn’s name on his roll sheet and continuing on with “Nacinto?” who is always in class and ready with a pencil in her well-manicured hand and “Nichols!” who walks into class as her name is called.

“Safar never gets mad at her, does he? She’s late almost everyday.”

Zayn adjusts his chair so that he can look at Louis properly, then nods his assent. Louis continues.

“And, Carlos - he’s always sleeping in class. But, oh, forgive him, he takes two college courses and never gets enough sleep, bless his heart. But, when you fall asleep, Zayn, it’s always: ‘Give me your eyes, Mr Malik, grace us with your _eyes_.’ It’s ridiculous, the double standards in this class.”

Zayn hadn’t really been sleeping, of course - just kind of coasting through that place in between reality and dreamscape. But, he nods again as he eyes Carlos in the back, head lain across his desk with a black pen in his hand. Zayn thinks he looks dead when he’s asleep. He’s drawn Carlos flying atop a pink dragon - sound asleep - with that pen in his hand, writing paragraphs and paragraphs of words in the sky with eyes sewn shut. The two of them aren’t friends or anything. Zayn just likes to draw.

Louis _is_ his friend. They met through Drama class last year and became best mates. Or, at least, that’s what Louis calls them. Zayn doesn’t quite know what it means to be someone’s best mate or to have them be yours, but he goes along with it. Louis’ on the football team. He’s great, Zayn thinks. Zayn’s journals are full of Louis dressed as Danny Zuko - Louis’ dream role from _Grease_ \- kicking a football around with an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Zayn never draws socks on his feet. Louis hates socks. 

“Xander? No Xander today?” The teacher’s eyes scan the classroom for the owner of the last name on his roll sheet.

“He went home early, Safar,” Uri Griffin calls from the back of the classroom with a hint of a smirk gracing his freckled cheeks. “Hangover.” 

The class laughs at the unfortunate state of Chad Xander’s mind. Zayn pictures the boy with spurts of vibrations spewing from his head, hands clutching his cranium tightly with eyes clenched shut. The background would be red -  no, perhaps violet -  and Chad’s bleached-blonde hair would be sticking up at all ends making him resemble something of a clown. Zayn snickers along with the class.

“Thinking of drawing him?” Louis whispers near his ear.

Zayn smiles. “Yup.”

-

The bell rings. Zayn picks up his bag and throws it over his shoulder, making for the exit. Louis follows resolutely behind.

“What are you doing after school today, mate? Game today, you know. You should come. You will come, won’t you? Liam’ll be there. Well, of course he will; he’s on the team, isn’t he? Just come on, Zayn, come.”

“Yeah, yeah, Lou, I’ll come. Stop haggling me, yeah?”

“You will? Great. I’ll save you a seat. Don’t fake me out again this time, okay? Just come, and I promise I’ll get Liam to talk to you afterwards. For a full minute this time, yeah? He does like to talk to you, you know? Sometimes, he asks me about you. He says, ‘Hey, Tommo, how’s that Zayn? Is he coming to the game today?’ He asked me that today, did you know? He did, and I said, ‘I’ll get him to come,’ - and he said - ‘Good. I like that Zayn. Top lad.’ He said that, I swear. What? Don’t look at me like that; he did! Swear down. Anyway, I best get to class, but I’ll see you at the pitch, right? Just come, Zayn. ‘Kay, see you, then." 

Sometimes, Zayn thinks Louis talks too much. Sometimes, Zayn can envision words flowing from Louis’ mouth before he even says them. Sometimes, Zayn draws Louis like that: walking himself around and around in circles with his words until he finally realizes that he’s stuck himself in a spiral of sentences that mean little to nothing and soundly decides to just leave it. That’s how all conversations with Louis go: long descriptions of things he’s already spoken of that all lead up to an inevitable abrupt stop. Sometimes, Zayn wants to know what might happen if Louis ever stops catching himself. Sometimes, Zayn doesn’t.

-

He goes to the game. Zayn doesn’t know the first thing about football, but he goes to the game. He says it’s because he’s bored and doesn’t have anything else to do. He says it’s because Louis is his mate and he doesn’t want to disappoint him. But, the real reason is flying across the pitch, leading his pack of Wolverhampton Wolves to victory.

Liam Payne. 

 _Liam Payne Liam Payne Liam Payne_. Zayn wonders why he can say Liam Payne’s name a million times in his head and never forget it’s meaning, like if he were to say _book_ or _esophagus_. _Book esophagus book esophagus book esophagus_. The words become harder to say after a while, but with Liam Payne, it’s different; it never gets old.

His middle name is James. Zayn knows this because last month he overheard Niall Horan - Liam’s over-excited-about-being-best-mates-with-Liam-Payne best mate - chatting about how brill it was that he and Liam had the same middle name. Zayn remembers what Niall’s middle name is from Year 8 when their shared Maths teacher happened to be Niall’s older cousin and - to the young Irish lad’s dismay - _always_ called him ‘Niall James’.

Zayn has a very good memory. He can remember almost everything about everything that has made an impact on his life. Most of those things involve Liam James Payne or Niall James Horan or Louis William Tomlinson or some odd combination of the three. Zayn can remember vividly the first moment he shared with Liam Payne. He was in Year 6; he was ten years old. Liam was sitting next to him at the craft table in their primary school classroom. Liam told Zayn he was a good artist. Zayn told Liam he was a good artist, too. Liam said he was lying, and Zayn was. Liam had drawn some sort of an animal - Zayn assumed this because it was the assigned project, but there really was no other way of telling - that looked to have five or so legs but one head with one large eye. Or maybe it was two, but they had accidentally gotten too close to be able to be differentiated. Zayn had drawn a cartoon fox with a black top hat on it’s head and a red feather boa around it’s neck. Liam laughed and said, ‘That’s sick. I want to be that fox. Sick.’ Zayn used that word a lot after that. He still does, but he likes to think it’s because it’s become habit.

It’s a bit sad, the obsession Zayn has with Liam. He can hardly help it, though. Liam’s gravitational pull is too strong to make Zayn want to back out anytime soon.

Zayn especially loves Liam like this: muscles pulsing, breath catching, arms/neck/face/back sweating, legs and arms pumping, mouth yelling to: “Get the ball, mate! Go for it! Alright! Brilliant!” Zayn loves the passion radiating in Liam’s eyes. Liam loves football. Zayn hates it, but Liam’s adoration for the pitch keeps Zayn beyond interested.

Zayn follows Liam around on the pitch with his eyes, and when Liam suddenly freezes, face grazing the stands, hand above his head to shield his eyes from the sun, Zayn imagines Liam searching for _his_ face in the crowd. When a body clambers up on the step in front of Zayn, hands waving maniacally - yelling: “Liam! Hi, babe! Gooooooo, Liam!” - Zayn knows it’s not true.

Sophia.

Of course. Liam smiles at her greetings, lifting two fingers. He turns back to the game, but not before sending a pokey two-eyed wink toward the squealing girl in the stands.

 _Sophia Smith Sophia Smith Sophia Smith_. Zayn really doesn’t have to say it that many times for it to lose meaning. But, sometimes, the words: _girlfriend girlfriend girlfriend_ come out instead. 

 _Liam’s_ girlfriend, that is. Zayn pulls his sketch book from his backpack and flips to an open page, staring into Sophia’s pea-coat-clad back which had popped up right in front of him. He can’t see the game now - which means he can’t see Liam - but, that’s okay, because now he wants to draw. He puts his pen to paper and lets it get to work as his mind wanders. Soon, he sees a girl with a black top hat on her head, red feather boa around her neck, and one eye growing out from the back of her head. Her back is facing Zayn. The eye watches him, glaring, daring him to move an inch toward - what, he doesn’t know. But, he feels the need to tell this girl that he’s not going anywhere; he never was.

The boys are still running about and, while Zayn now can’t see them, he can hear them. He can hear Louis’ screechy yell as he goes for the ball. He can hear Niall’s cough as he overexerts himself as always. He can even hear Liam’s quiet grunt as he puts everything into the game that he can. He can definitely hear Sophia’s cheer from where she is bouncing up and down with excitement directly in front of him. Zayn wonders if she knows any more about the sport than he does. Zayn doesn’t bet on it. She’s in his drama class, as well, and she’s very good, Zayn must admit. He’s never spoken much to her and he would never try to initiate conversation, either. His hatred for her is unwarranted, without a single doubt, but he’s selfish, and Zayn can hardly bare to let Sophia off scott-free for what she’s taken from him.

The game ends after a bit, and Sophia leaves once she’s said goodbye to Liam. They’re not a very affectionate couple, Zayn gathers - she gives him a kiss on the cheek and a “Good job, babe,” - but they’re cute, and he can understand why everyone in the school envies them.

“Zayn, mate! You stayed! How’d we do? Well? What did you think?”

“Same as always, Lou. Fab job.” Zayn salutes his mate who is addressing him from behind the fence that barriers the pitch. Louis is sweating buckets and breathing heavily but his smile reaches his eyes. Louis _loves_ football.

“Thanks for staying, Z! Hey, hold up a bit, mate.” Louis turns to yell at the retreating backs of his team mates, all of them sweaty and tired and ready to shower. “Payne. Get back here for a minute. Look who’s shown up. I told you, didn’t I? Hey, Payno, come here, mate.”

Liam swivels a bit and makes his way back to where Louis stands beckoning him. Zayn sees that Liam is in an even sweatier state than Louis. Zayn gathers himself quickly and descends down the bleachers to meet Louis at the bottom.

“Here’s Zayn! Said he would come, didn’t I?”

"Yeah, you did. Heya, there, mate. Y’alright?”

Nodding, Zayn feels his throat close up. He swallows and pulls at a loose thread on his jumper while he studies Liam’s face. There’s nothing overtly judgemental presenting itself, so Zayn swallows again and says, “Good, mate. Good playing today.”

Zayn’s eyes slowly travel to the scoreboard where he finds that they did not in fact play very well today, but Liam seems to have taken the comment sarcastically. Zayns sends up a thank-you prayer to the heavens.

“We’ve done better, I’d say.” Liam shakes his head, eyes slightly drooped in disappointment. Football means a lot to Liam. Even one lost game brings his spirits down. Based on what Zayn has seen of the aftermath of earlier losses, Liam will be moping about for the next two-or-three days. “That team was quite good, though; got to give them that.”

“Suppose,” Louis relents with a shrug. “Anyway, either of you got plans tonight? I was thinking us lads go out and celebrate our loss, eh? Looks to me like we need something to get us going again. Pizza on me, yeah? What do you boys say? C’mon, now.”

Zayn is about to give his acquiescence when Liam coughs. “Sorry, lads, but I’ve got me some plans, yeah. Soph and all - you know. She, uh, wants to go out later tonight. I don’t know. Don’t matter much to me, but I think I’d better go along with her. Sorry, lads.”

Zayn feels his shoulders slump, but he doesn’t utter a sound.

“Ain’t no problem, Payno. You please your girl. We’ll see you about Monday, s’pose.” Louis waves him off and Liam hustles away, turning around to wave two fingers at them. Zayn doesn’t wave back, but he watches him until Liam disappears into the locker room.

Zayn looks at Louis. “Aren’t you gonna shower?”

“No, I’m going home, mate. Shower’s better there.” Louis starts off toward his car, gesturing for Zayn to follow. He does. “After that, want to hit up that Italian place on Main, anyway? We should still go. Besides, I’ve got something to tell you that’s gonna blow this whole place wide open, just you wait.” Louis’ got this look in his eye that scares Zayn a bit, but also excites him. He pictures Louis in a suit with that same unlit cigarette in his mouth, explosions in the background, sports car waiting for him with top down. He thinks he’ll draw that one later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helllooooo! thanks to everyone who made it this far! i sincerely hope you enjoyed what you read. if you did, please don't hesitate to leave some feedback in the comment section or give me a kudos. i really do love writing and im finally feeling inspired to jot some fanfiction down so please let me know if you like what i've got so far!
> 
> i'm not actually sure how long this will be, but we're definitely looking at a multi-chaptered fic at this point. it will be updated frequently (probably; but the update schedule will mostly be based on how many people are actually interested in the story).
> 
> the concept of this fic was taken from personal experience (somewhat) and i've wanted to get this first chapter out for a while now. finally had the inspiration to finish!
> 
> again again again if you would, leave a comment or a kudos for ya girl. i always love feedback!! you can also leave some feedback in an ask on my tumblr: isakyaxi.tumblr.com. hit me with a follow too if you like ;)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn, Louis, and Liam go out to eat together after all.

“I love bread sticks. Don’t you love bread sticks? I fucking love bread sticks.”

Apparently, Louis loves bread sticks. Zayn chuckles to himself - sipping some very stale lemonade - as he doodles an oddly-shaped football on the table with the pen he found in the back seat of Louis’ car. They’re at the fancy Italian place on Main that Louis had suggested to Liam earlier. Usually, when Zayn and Louis go out together, it’s to Mickey D’s or some other ‘Value Meal’ shit show. Therefore, Zayn asks, “Why did we still come here? I don’t got money for this place, Lou,” putting down his pen.

Louis scoffs. “Don’t you even worry your pretty little head, Z. I got you covered.” Louis munches on his bread stick for a moment more. “Anyway, we’re here because someone important might be swinging by. Not to join us, of course, but it’s extremely vital that you, specifically, see him here, is all.”

Cocking his head to the side, Zayn says, “We’re here to spy on someone?” To be honest, it’s not an uncommon pastime of theirs. They’ve actually discovered some interesting information through what Louis prefers to call “physical research”. They found out that the father of Danica-Miller-from-6th-Period-Drama’s twins was actually the school nerd - Gerardo Jimenez - last year. A couple of months ago, they discovered that Wylie Wyatt - Louis’ neighbor - had been slipping his Physics professor 250 pounds a week to keep his consistent high marks, well, consistent. They never let anyone outside of the two of them aware of their findings, but it does something to Zayn’s pride to know why Danica’s daughters have dark brown eyes instead of blue and why Wylie is always the first to get the mail on the days that report cards come in the post. “What’s it got to do with me and all?”

“Physical research,” Louis amends. “You’ll see here in a bit, promise. It has to do with what I was about to tell you before at the pitch. It’s very important, you know.”

Zayn gathers that, yeah. “Can’t you just tell me now? What’s so important that you dragged me all the way to this place, Louis? I don’t belong in this place.”

With a flick of his uncaring wrist, Louis proceeds to devour another breadstick, effectively ending the conversation for now. Zayn sighs and continues doodling. After a bit, the football starts to take more shape, obtaining curves here and straight lines there. He only realizes what it’s shape truly is after he looks up and sees Liam.

He’s sitting at a table across the room, back facing Zayn and Louis’ table. His leg is twitching a bit and he’s rolling his head around on his shoulders. Liam’s nervous. Zayn can’t think of why Liam would be nervous. He and Sophia have been dating a while, haven’t they? Does it make sense for Liam to still get nervous on their dates?

In any case, Zayn finds it all annoyingly adorable: the way Liam’s long fingers are tapping out a beat on his thigh, how Liam constantly reaches up to readjust the snap back on his head (even though, in every position, it looks great), the way he can’t seem to sit still, always turning this way and that, eyes searching. Sophia must be late.

“Liam’s here.” Zayn subtly gestures to Louis where Liam is sitting. Or, standing now, actually, Zayn notices. Liam’s waving at someone to join him. Sophia must have just arrived. Zayn looks down at his doodle and sees now that the football is in the shape of a heart. How very cheeky.

“Zayn. Zayn, look now. Oh, my - holy shit. I was right?! I was fucking right!” Louis’ nudging Zayn but he doesn’t desire in the slightest to see who has joined Liam. He knows who it is. Zayn has had to suffer in silence because of this relationship for months and all he really would like to do now is leave and never return to this god-awful restaurant again.

“Zayn, would you just - fuck, look!”

Louis’ hand reaches across the table and grabs Zayn’s chin, forcing him to finally look up at the happy couple. But, surprisingly, Zayn doesn’t see Sophia sitting across from Liam at the table.

“Is that - Kian Shephard?”

Kian Shephard. He’s Zayn’s partner in Biology class among other things. One of those aforementioned things happen to be that he is gay. Very gay, and everyone knows it. Zayn’s always been jealous of Kian’s pride and self-confidence. Sometimes, Zayn feels like he’s doing his fellow brothers in homosexuality a disservice by not being as open about his sexual preference as he should be. However, he’s decided that Kian’s pride all on it’s own is enough to cover the both of them. Or, the entire homosexual population of Great Britain.

Kian is sitting opposite Liam now. They’re talking, laughing, looking at menus; Kian even reaches over at one point and brushes Liam’s shoulder. It’s almost as if they’re on a - but, no, it can’t be. Can it?

“Louis, what the fuck?” Zayn asks, because he can’t think of anything else to do.

Louis is beside himself. “I don’t believe it! I just don’t believe it! I mean, I had my speculations, but _this_?! I never would have even _thought_ -”

“Louis, what the hell is going on?” Zayn tries again. He can’t think. His mind is racing, his heart is beating faster than it ever has. Life isn’t making any sense and Zayn needs a fucking explanation, please.

With a slap to the back of his head from Zayn, Louis finally comes to his senses enough to lean forward in his chair and provide Zayn with something to regulate his heart beat. “Okay, so, these past couple months, Liam’s been on his phone non-stop; texting all day, in every class, at every practice; it’s driving everyone crazy because he just won’t put the phone down. All the lads have been talking about it; we ask him who he’s texting and all he ever says is ‘Nobody; back off, will ya?’ so, naturally, we were all pretty curious, of course. So, finally, today, I got up the balls to do what no one had ever thought to do before: when Liam went to change before the game, I stole his phone from his backpack and checked his messages. I know, I know; bad mate, bad mate, I’m horrible - I know. But, get this, okay? It was so worth it. I cannot even believe it, mate, you will -”

“Louis!”

“Right, ‘course, sorry. So, I get his phone, put in his password - don’t ask how I know it, please - and, boom, first open tab is this message thread with somebody called ‘KS’. I know, I know! But, listen, Zayn, listen - these two are messaging back and forth like a couple of birds! ‘I miss you’ and ‘Aw, you’re so cute! Can’t wait to see you tonight.’ With emojis and all! For real and honest and true; I ain’t lying or nothing. Anyway, Liam and KS over here had plans to come here tonight and, I guess, Liam didn’t want any of the lads on the team to know because it was the first I’d ever heard of anything about Liam supposedly being into blokes - Zayn? Zayn, babe? Are you alright, mate?”

Zayn can’t hear him. He honestly can’t hear anything. His leg is twitching under the table and his heart is thundering in his chest louder than before. The only thing playing over and over in his head is Liam might be gay Liam might be gay Liam might be gay. After all this time, the guy Zayn has crushed on for years might actually have the slight possibility of feeling the same way about Zayn that Zayn does about him.

“I can’t - I can’t.”

“I know, Z. I know! Is this not the best day of your life, or what?” Louis leans back finally, officially proud of himself, and scarfs down another breadstick.

“So, wait a minute here,” Zayn finally gets out. “Liam and Kian Shepherd are - what? On a date?”

Louis stares at him for a minute. “Oh, well, hello, there, Zayn. Welcome to the party! Where have you been?”

But, Zayn really doesn’t need the sarcasm right now. Louis has to realize that this news will take a while to actually sink in. “But, I - “

“Hey, mate,” Louis says, with a surprisingly sweet twist to his voice. “Do you need to draw something?”

Zayn shakes his head. “No, I need to - I think I need to talk to Liam.”

Louis’ eyes widen. “You do? Mate! I could give you his number, you know? If you want it, that is. Then, you lads could talk about this and - honestly, Zayn, the bloke would be an absolute idiot if he didn’t find you the least bit attractive, you know.”

“He doesn’t know who I am, Lou. Not like that, at least. Besides, I couldn’t - never - I’m not brave enough to-”

“Well, then,” Louis racks his brain for another option. Zayn’s eyes travel back over to Liam’s table. In Zayn’s opinion, Liam’s not acting secretive at all. He and Kian are acting like a right couple - sharing food and holding hands and playing footsie under the table. Zayn might even call it ‘cute’ if it didn’t make him sick right down to his core with jealousy.

“You don’t have to tell him it’s you!”

“What?” Zayn says, snapping back to attention.

“Liam! You don’t have to tell him it’s you when you’re texting him, you know. Of course you don’t! Just say something like, ‘Hey, I seen you round school and I think you’re really cute. Are you into guys?’ Something simple like that and just see what happens. Honestly, Zayn you have nothing to lose! The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn’t respond! But, even then, he won’t know it’s you. You’re home-free, mate!”

Zayn’s tempted for a moment. _Why not?_ He thinks. Louis has a point - Liam won’t have any reason to believe it’s Zayn texting him. Would he even have the guts to, though? That’s the big question. “Louis, I don’t know - “

“So, it’s settled, then, huh?” Louis says, grabbing Zayn’s phone from the tabletop. He starts punching in numbers and Zayn lets him, eyes shifting back to Liam. Cold, sharp jealousy takes a home in his heart when he sees Liam and Kian’s hands not-so-conspicuously tangled behind their menus - the sight leaves as bitter a taste in his mouth as the lemonade warming in front of him - and he says, “Yeah. Settled.”

-

Later that night - back at home - Zayn looks down at the shaking phone in his hands, taking a deep breath. For a short moment, he wishes he could summon a bit of Louis’ courage and send this fucking text. _“The worst thing that could happen is that he doesn’t respond! But, even then, he won’t know it’s you. You’re home-free, mate!”_ Louis’ words replay in his head as Zayn raises his thumbs to the tiny keyboard on the screen. He has to resort to auto-correct for over half of the words he types, his hands trembling uncontrollably, but eventually, after a scorching five minutes, Zayn’s got _“Hey, I seen you round school and i think you’re really cute. Are you into guys? :) xx”_ typed out on his phone screen. Zayn knows how pathetic it is to have reiterated Louis’ example text exactly, but he’s nervous, okay? Can you blame him? He is literally about to catfish Liam Payne; Zayn thinks he’s allowed to be slightly nervous.

After another _ten fucking minutes_ , Zayn goes to the toilet, stands in front of the open refrigerator for thirty whole seconds, gets a glass of water, drinks all of it in one gulp, pops all of his knuckles, visits the toilet again, stares at his reflection in the mirror for a bit, contemplates the benefits of teeth-whitening, brushes his teeth twice, tries to pop his knuckles again, sighs a grand total of forty-seven times, itches for a cigarette roughly sixty-five times, realizes he’s stalling, and sits back on the edge of his bed, clutching his mobile phone in his hands. It’s as if the text message is staring at him, that god-awful smiley face at the end daring him to man-up and just fucking send it already. And, so, finally, he does.

And, then, he screeches. Pretty embarrassingly, too. His hands grab at his phone, pushing random buttons, attempting to stop the message from sending. But, it’s too late. The message is sent. The deed is done. And, Zayn thinks he won’t live to see the morning light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! sorry about the absolutely /disgusting/ delay but i've suddenly lost a lot of inspiration for this fic. hopefully, this random spurt of motivation won't end soon. plus, my apologies for the shortness of this chapter. it'll get better, i promise!
> 
> thanks soooo much for reading and, if you like, i would love for you to leave a kudos or a comment :)
> 
> hang out with me on tumblr @ isakyaxi :~)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liam's response.

“Good morning, sugar!”

Zayn pulls the covers away from his face and groans. He turns his head toward the window on the other side of the room. Sullia Washington is peaking out of the window in the house just to the right of theirs, waving her hand. The Maliks are quite close with the Washingtons - their mothers work together - but, Zayn can’t remember when he had asked the 12-year-old girl across the way to be his personal morning bird.

The little girl with the dark eyes huddled under an adorably shaggy unibrow is still awaiting a response, so Zayn sits up in bed, rubbing his eyes and letting them adjust to the bright light of the morning. “Hullo, Sullia. Good day?”

“Great day! Isn’t it beautiful? I woke up to the birds chirping and the sun shining. Can’t imagine a better way to say ‘Good morning!’ to the world, can you?” Sullia reminds Zayn a bit too much of another overly chatty friend of his. Both Sully and Louis speak exactly what is on their minds and leave it at that. Short and simple. Most of the time. “Oh! Zayn! You’ll be at my birthday on Friday, won’t you? You don’t have to be there for very long; just to say hello! Well, have a wonderful day, chap!” And with that, the young girl slips her window shut and skips her way out of her bedroom.

Zayn gives a _humph_ and reaches to his right for his mobile on the nightstand to check the time but ends up taking a second look, mouth gaping. There’s a text lighting up his phone. A text from a number under the contact name _Liam Payne (In My Ass)._

It takes a moment for Zayn to remember exactly what took place the night before. It all comes back to him in a foggy haze of overwhelming excitement, unexpected confidence, and bitter lemonade. Louis and Zayn had visited the fancy Italian place on Main last night. Liam had been there, as well. And, Kian. Liam and Kian had been there _together_. On some sort of date. Zayn still didn’t completely understand it, but between Louis’ awkward explanation and Zayn’s dangerously high hopes, he is starting to believe that Liam - captain-of-the-football-team Liam, in-a-relationship-with-a- _girl_ Liam, popular, gorgeous, kind, and talented Liam - might just be gay.

(Or, at least into boys.)

“Fuck,” Zayn hisses. He’ll change the contact name Louis set later. For now, he’s struggling to breathe normally, swiping his thumb across the screen and unlocking it quickly. The white light of the text screen background shocks his vision for a moment, but soon it’s satisfied with a grey bubble which has a short “ _who is this_ ” typed out within it. 

Zayn’s breathing cuts short because, shit; _what the fuck does he say?_ He can’t very well tell Liam who he is because that would ruin the whole thing. And, also Zayn knows he’s too much of a coward to, anyway. If Zayn was confident enough to just up and tell Liam Payne who he was and that he was into him, you better believe he would have fucking done it by now.

Dragging the text screen to the left, Zayn sees it was sent roughly six hours earlier. That meant that Liam had been mulling over this message in the middle of the night. For some reason, the thought makes Zayn shiver.

After another five minutes of laying there and deliberating, he closes the text window altogether, resolving that this was officially the dumbest idea ever and _how the fuck did he think this would actually work out?_ Because, although nothing of import has really taken place yet, the gut wrenching feeling Zayn gets in his stomach whenever he thinks about the (albeit, short) conversation for the rest of the day makes him feel overwhelmingly idiotic. And, so, Zayn trudges through his first two classes and makes it all the way to Biology before someone notices his - no-doubt - obviously depressed-looking countenance and confronts him on it.

And, it’s the worst person to do it, as well.

“Life getting you down, too, matey?” It’s Kian Shephard of all fucking people. Zayn knew he would have to confront the kid - given that they’re lab partners and all - but just looking at Kian makes Zayn’s blood boil. All Zayn sees is those hands holding Liam’s hands, those lips on Liam’s lips, that body being praised by Liam’s hungry eyes. Zayn’s own eyes are glued to the desktop in front him; they glide over the " _BB + HW_ " that has been there all year and tries not to imagine Liam and Kian’s initials instead, dragged over the old wood, with a sharpened pencil and an open heart; takes a small amount of time out of his day to fill his head with drawings of LiamandKian shaped children parading around with their gorgeous White fathers, waving their hyphenated last names in all their less-fortunate friends’ faces.

Sure, Zayn is getting a little ahead of himself here, but he can’t imagine a life in which Liam ends up with someone besides Sophia or himself. He’s never allowed himself, too; didn’t think it was possible. And, yet here Liam’s future husband is, sitting right next to Zayn. And, Zayn is in the wrong seat.

Zayn finally looks up when Kian sighs. It’s a heavy sigh. A sigh Zayn might give right about now if he could muster up to it. _Hmm. Trouble in paradise?_ Zayn thinks with a hopeful smirk.

“What’s the problem?” Zayn asks innocently, hoping Kian doesn’t notice Zayn’s wide-eyes and open ears.

“Oh, nothing, really. Nothing to worry about.” Kian pulls out his phone and taps the corner of it on his desk as if contemplating the consequences of unlocking it, and then sets it down instead. “You know,” Kian starts, turning to Zayn, “I thought I’d finally found him. The guy I’d be with forever. Turns out he didn’t feel the same. It’s awful, really.”

Zayn’s heart leaps into his throat. He can barely get out: “Who was it?” And then follows up with: “Do I know him?” because the first alone doesn’t make sense, he thinks.

Kian lifts his plaid scarf to his eyes to dab at unseen tears and turns forward in his seat again. “Oh, no one, really. You don’t - you wouldn’t know - no one you would know, really. I’ll get over it. I’ll be fine, really. Sorry ‘bout that.”

Mrs. Jason finally moves away from her spot next to a weary Stacey Hacklestein at the front of the class and claps her hands to begin. Stacey reluctantly heads back to her seat, whatever she was complaining about being ignored yet again. Forrest Anderson almost trips her, but pulls his foot back in at the last moment. Rumor has it, the two split last week and Forrest is still bitter about it. Janice Gregory punches him in the shoulder and whispers something like “Pig!” Stacey notices none of this. No one notices anything. How can they all be acting so normally? Zayn feels near to death. The world feels like it’s ending. Zayn’s window for Liam is opening up. He won’t let it slam shut this time.

-

“Zayn!” The boy in question jumps as Louis plunks his books and backpack onto the back table in the Drama room where Zayn was - happily, thank you very much - doodling anatomically correct hearts in his notebook and quickly erasing them before anyone could see. After a moment of silence, Louis asks again, “Zayn?”

Zayn sighs. “Yeah?” And, there’s really no reason to even glance up at Louis’ eyes because Zayn knows exactly what’s coming next.

“Wait,” he hears Louis wonder, “did Liam not text you back?” Zayn hears some shuffling around next to him, but can hardly be pressed to look up from his current doodle of a curved arrow that looks an awful lot like an _L_ if he squints. “Bullshit,” Louis continues to mutter gruffly at his side, “I could’ve _sworn_ this was gonna work.”

“Yeah, well, it didn’t, Louis. So, just drop it, okay?” And, Zayn knows he’s getting snippy. But, he had just been too hopeful. And, Louis had just been too persistent. And, dammit, if Zayn didn’t want this to fucking work, too. But, Zayn’s not cut out for this sneaky shit. He can’t lie to Liam Payne - not even over text.

Zayn hears his mate sigh next to him. For some odd reason, Zayn feels bad. It’s clear that Louis had gotten emotionally invested in whatever was happening here, and Zayn can’t really blame anyone other than himself. He turns to face Louis for the first time that day and apologize, but that “sorry” quickly slides itself back down his throat.

Louis’ clutching Zayn’s mobile in his hands, thumbs blurring across the screen.

“Lou, what the fuck are you doing?” Zayn makes a grasp for his phone, but Louis’s too quick, jumping from his seat and zooming across the room, taking Zayn’s iPhone with him.

The thought of what Louis could be doing with his phone isn’t really a big question. If Zayn knows his mate at all, Louis’ trying to fix the problem on his own and that could only mean one thing. He’s texting Liam. Zayn tries to be angry, but he can’t muster up the energy right now. Let Louis have his fun. In the end, nothing would come of it, anyway. Why not ride it out and mess Liam around for a bit? It might be fun to see that confused and upset look on Liam’s face for a change instead of on his own when he looks in the mirror.

The chair across from Zayn at the table scrapes against the floor, and Zayn once again doesn’t lift his eyes from the notebook. He probably shouldn’t have just assumed it was Louis coming back because not addressing her arrival must have seemed quite rude.

“Hi, Zayn.”

His wooden pencil scratches across the notebook and ruins his visage of a chicken running from a familiar-looking butcher sporting a mile wide smirk. Her voice isn’t exactly recognizable to him yet, but when he looks up, there’s no doubt.

Zayn gulps.

“Hey, Sophia.”

She smiles at him. She glances down at his notebook and squints her eyes a bit, turning her head to the side to try and see the pictures that are upside down to her. Zayn quickly shuts his notebook, smiling awkwardly back at her.

Realizing her mistake, Sophia apologizes. “Sorry. You’re a really good artist, aren’t you?”

Is he supposed to answer that?

“Thanks,” he decides on. What does she want again? Had she said? Had Zayn missed anything? Because, he feels like he’s missed a whole lot. The two have never been enemies or anything, but in their twelve years of being in the same year in school, they’ve never really been friends either. In short, this random encounter doesn’t make any sense to Zayn.

Also, there’s the whole thing about Sophia Smith being Liam Payne’s girlfriend for the past half-year and Zayn being incredibly jealous and deciding to hate her down to his very core. But, that’s neither here nor there.

Sophia senses the awkwardness and decided to just get to it, apparently. She tents her fingers on the table and meets Zayn’s eyes.

“So,” Sophia begins, “Drama’s doing _Grease_ this year for our Spring musical. Have you heard?”

Has he heard? It’s the only thing Louis’ been prattling on and on about for weeks. Louis’ student directing it with their Drama teacher, and he had immediately urged Zayn to go for the lead part. _“You’ve got that natural, cool swagger thing about you, Zayn.”_ Louis had told him. _“You’d be a fucking perfect Danny Zuko. You’ve already got the leather jacket and everything.”_ Zayn had scoffed because, despite what people say about him, he’s never viewed himself as very cool or mysterious. He’s always just been awkward and kind of shy. But, whatever it is that makes people see that awkwardness as swagger, Zayn isn’t complaining.

“Yeah. Sounds cool,” he says instead.

“I know! I’m, like, wickedly excited.” Sophia claps her hands with glee to show that she really _is_ wickedly excited. Zayn hadn’t actually doubted it.

“Anyway, I’m really interested in auditioning for Sandy. Like, really, _really_ interested. She’s kind of been my dream role since I was, like, four.”

And, okay, Zayn doesn’t remembering asking for the autobiography. He smiles. “Cool.”

“But, uhm,” Sophia all of a sudden gets a bit quiet. Zayn’s raises his eyebrows, sensing that something was happening that he wouldn’t be super excited with. “They’re only holding pair auditions for her, and I was wondering if you’d - well, if you’d be my Danny. Just for auditions. You don’t actually have to audition for him; you could just say you’re helping me.”

“Why do you need me to do it?” He doesn’t actually mean for that to come out like it does. He’s honestly just a bit curious. Zayn can only remember one other time he and Sophia had actually spoken and that was in Year Eight when they were paired up for a project in Literature together. Zayn had actually been prepared to do the whole assignment on his own, but Sophia had pulled her weight just as evenly as he, and they got an A on their project. Since then, they’d never talked, but Zayn had always had a strange respect for her. Well, he did until she started dating Liam, that is.

Sophia is slightly taken aback by his abruptness, but she collects herself and responds fluidly, “You’re extremely talented, Zayn. Like. _Extremely_. I think you’d for sure get the part if you auditioned for him and, to be honest, I’m kind of planning on riding your coat tails on this one. I know they’ll like you and maybe seeing us together would help push their decision for Sandy in the...well, the _right_ direction, you know?”

This girl is diabolical. Zayn smirks.

He doesn’t quite know why, but he concedes. What was that phrase? _Keep your friends close and your enemies closer._

Sophia claps her hands again. “Fantastic! Thanks so much, Zayn! This will just be _fantastic_.”

If closer to Sophia means closer to Liam, then “Yes, it will be,” he responds.

-

“Louis, won’t you please just give me my phone back?”

Louis haphazardly throws Zayn's iPhone in his direction and it lands on his bed, face down. Zayn makes a grab for it, but doesn’t unlock it quite yet. He can’t. Whatever Louis said cannot be good. Whatever confidence he had before has dissipated completely.

Turning around on the bean bag he’s laying on, Louis sighs. “He didn’t even respond. Don’t worry. It wasn’t that bad anyway.”

And, so, Zayn unlocks the phone. The first thing he sees is a SnapChat screen with an unopened video Snap sent from ‘ _hstyles94_ ’ waiting at the top. “Use your own phone for stalking your prey, Tommo.” Zayn sighs. He switches to the text screen and opens the conversation with Liam. Only one new text has been sent. One from Zayn’s phone reading, “ _Try and guess ;) xx_ ”.

“Fuck you, Louis, you made me sound like some cheap whore.”

“Sorry, mate. Simply trying to get into his head. Make him think that maybe - _maybe_ -”

“Kian and Liam must have broken up last night at the restaurant. Kian told me today in Science.”

Louis’ eyes turn wide. “Kian _told_ you? Mate!”

“Well, not specifically,” Zayn amends. “He basically said things weren’t going well in his love life. Made it sounds like the two were through.”

Louis’ on his feet now. “Z, this is _fabulous_! Do you realize what this means?! You have a chance again! If I would have known! Zayn, his window is open! You have got to go for it, mate. Please, for me! Fuck, for yourself! This is fucking _amazing_.”

And, he knows it is. Things are actually (kind of) going his way. For once in his life.

In a burst of confidence, pride, and love, Zayn opens up a new text to Liam. What he will say, he’s not sure yet. But, he knows that this is the start of something amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> geeeez, i'm so sorry for leaving you guys hanging for so long! since zayn left, i kind of felt like i couldn't be in the fandom anymore but seeing my boys in concert was exactly what i needed to drag me right back in! i hope this chapter is okay for you cuties! sorry it's taken so long :-(
> 
> thanks soooo much for reading and, if you like, i would love for you to leave a kudos or a comment :)
> 
> also, feel free to hmu at asexualbalthazar.tumblr.com xx


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